This is a question that’s been bothering me for some time. Not a day goes by when it’s not glaringly obvious that people just aren’t comfortable with “me”. Why are so many people avoiding “me”? I wanted to know.
Me, Myself, and I
Pronouns are lovely little devices, easily replacing nouns that could be long and cumbersome to repeat with short little generic replacement words. The first person pronoun refers to the speaker and takes on the nominative form (“I”), the objective form (“me”), the possessive form (“my” or “mine”), and the reflexive form (“myself”). For some reason, many people object to the objective form.
First, I’d like to present a brief refresher on which is which: The nominative pronoun is the actor. “I read a book.” “I fed the cat.” The objective pronoun is on the receiving end of an action. “She saw me.” “Grandmom gave me an apple.” The possessive pronoun, well, possesses stuff. “The money is mine.” “It’s my life!” And the reflexive pronoun is in the objective position but always refers back to the subject. “I really embarrassed myself.” “I gave myself a treat.”
It’s All About Me
People seem to do just about anything to avoid the using “me” as the object of a sentence. The substitutions seem to vary based on whether the object is part of a coordination (two or more objects are linked by “and”) or stands alone. “Myself” often substitutes for “me” in both coordinate objects AND alone.
Just the other night, I was watching a DVD of the old Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour from the mid-sixties. Every time Tom Smothers spoke about himself and his brother, he would say “my brother and myself.” (My Microsoft Word spell-check just put a squiggly line under “myself” to let me know it’s wrong.) I see the coordinate of another person (“Charlie and myself”) occasionally in business communications, as well. However, I am more likely to see it all by its lonesome in business communications. “Send the information to myself as soon as possible.”
Why is this wrong? It’s wrong because a reflexive pronoun is supposed to refer back to the subject. In the example “Send the information to myself as soon as possible”, the inferred subject (the action taker) is “you.” The reflexive pronoun for “you” is “yourself.” The subject for the reflexive pronoun “myself” is “I.” But many U.S. English speakers have turned “myself” into an objective pronoun…and, at times, a nominative pronoun.
In business communications, I am more likely to see “I” in coordination with another noun (or pronoun). “Tell her and I if we should attend the meeting.” “Refer the customer to either Nancy or I.” In this case, the nominative form of the first person replaces the objective form. You would not say “Refer the customer to I.” Or “Tell I if we should attend the meeting.” For most of us, this would never sound right.
Makes me cringe!
To me, the only correct word to use in any of the above cases is the short and simple “me.”
Finding Me
I went looking for answers as to why this is so common. Did I find them? No. There’s a good bit of conjecture, though. Most commenters on the Internet (both professionals and Facebook fans of a certain grammar page) seem to believe, and I tend to agree, that a lot of people think “me” is too direct and even vulgar. “I” and “myself” seem proper and formal. That’s why people think nothing of saying “It’s me!” – when “It’s I!” is actually the “correct” form – but have difficulty saying “When you have completed the report, give it to your manager and me.” It’s hard to know for sure, however. Who is willing to approach friends, co-workers, or strangers and ask “Why are you using incorrect grammar?”
On my search I did discover that this whole issue is actually very sensitive and wrought with controversy. Who knew? I thought it was pretty straightforward: grammar rules are grammar rules and that’s that. Boy, was I wrong!
They’re Fighting Over Me
There are two camps in the grammar world: prescriptive grammarians and descriptive grammarians.
Prescriptive grammarians prescribe to a certain set of grammar rules that are inflexible. Failure to follow the rules results in grammatical errors and some strong “tsk, tsks.” According to Bradford R. Connatser in his article “Reconsidering Some Prescriptive Rules of Grammar and Composition” (Technical Communications – Volume 51, Number 2, May 2004, pages 264-275), many of these rules were imposed by 18th and 19th grammarians who were trained in classical Latin; these grammarians were attempting to apply the rules of Latin grammar to English.
Prescriptive grammarians, typically linguists, claim these rules may be attempts to fit square pegs into round holes. Rodney Huddleston and Geoffrey K. Pullum in their book “The Cambridge Grammar of the English Language” (2002 – Cambridge University Press) argue that these rules are arbitrary and a matter of the writer’s preferences and prejudices. They claim that the grammar in use by the majority of people, not the prescribed 18th and 19th century “Latinization” of our language, is the most relevant grammar. Specifically, in the case of using “I” instead of “me”, the authors challenge the logic behind saying “if the object is ‘me’ when the object is alone, then the object must be ‘me’ when the object is not alone.” They say that the coordination might change the object so the pronoun is different. They present the case where you would say “I don’t know if you’re eligible” but you would not say “I don’t know if she and you’re eligible.” The logic of what’s good for the single pronoun is good for the pronoun in a coordination of pronouns doesn’t work here.
Connatser calls this grammar that people use in their everyday speech and, often, writing “organic grammar.” It’s the grammar we internalized as we learned how to speak. He believes it’s “hard-wired.” And it informs how we read. If what’s written on the paper or screen conflicts in form with the organic grammar in our heads, it triggers warning bells that there is something wrong with the text.
Tell Me What to Do!
The practical dilemma for any writer, particularly any non-fiction writer, is to decide what to do. Do you use prescriptive grammar that might be out of step with how your reader talks and processes her language? Or do you use the organic language of your reader so that he feels comfortable with the content?
Connatser points out that errors in text can be distracting and impact the credibility of your content. I’ve personally experienced this many times. As I see more and more errors in a text – grammatical, spelling, or even formatting – I tend to discount the author as sloppy, ill-prepared, and potentially uninformed. I am likely to question the accuracy of the content. He suggests knowing your audience and using grammar rules (whether prescriptive or organic) that will make the reading experience comfortable and easy to process for that audience. If your audience includes people with varying levels of education and inclination toward prescriptive grammar, this is a real challenge.
Personally, I will stick to the prescriptive rules for the first person pronouns “I”, “me”, and “myself.” Dangling participles and split infinitives? Well, that’s another story.
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